The pool
Heated to a temperature the board has voted on eleven times. Currently: “fine.” Swim caps required, not enforced, deeply discussed.
An active adult community
Retire like aSeinfeld.
Sun. Shuffleboard. A condo board with more intrigue than the Senate. Del Boca Vista Phase II is where Morty and Helen came to relax and immediately did not.
Please do not ask about Phase III. We know about Phase III. The pool is smaller.
Tonight in the clubhouse
Dinner is served.
That is not early-bird. That is dinner. If you arrive at 5:30 you will be eating alone, and the kitchen will have opinions.
4:30Doors at 4:15. Jack has been there since 3.
Everything you need. Nothing you asked for.
Amenities are available to residents, their guests, and one comedian who visits more than the board would like.
Shuffleboard
Two courts. Four rivalries. One ongoing dispute about whether a disc that touches the line is in. It is not in. Ask anyone. Then ask someone else.
The clubhouse
Home of dinner, bingo, the condo board, and the annual reading of the bylaws, which is longer than the bylaws.
Tip calculator
A Wizard organizer at the front desk, courtesy of Jerry. It does other things. Nobody has used the other things. Fifteen percent, always, on the pre-tax.
Condo board election.
The board seat has changed hands more often than the pool temperature. A Cadillac was involved. It is still, in a swamp, involved.
Official ballot · Phase IIVote for one
President, Condominium Association
Mark one box. Marking two boxes is how we got here.
No vote recorded. The board has noted this.
Community notices.
Visiting grandchildren welcome.
Visiting comedians must register at the office and may not perform. Visiting Kramers are now residents and the office is looking into how.
One car per unit. One Cadillac per scandal.
A Cadillac was recently recovered from the swamp behind Phase II. The board reminds residents that the swamp is not a designated parking area.
We have seen the brochure.
Phase III residents are welcome at our dinner. They are not welcome to talk about their dinner. Ours is at 4:30. Theirs is a rumor.
Lost & found
Report a sightingOne astronaut pen. Writes upside down.
If found, return to Jack Klompus, who did not give it away, no matter what a comedian from New York says he was told. It has been returned once. It has been given back. It has been returned again. The pen is currently at large.
Come see a unit. Bring a sweater.
Tours daily at 10, followed by lunch, followed by a nap, followed by dinner at 4:30. Do not schedule anything at 4:30.